#064: Diem Trang

[luvmyacnq]

Hi everyone!
I’m “Beo iu” – it’s the name my friends often use to call me because I’m a girl who is quite fat. I think that my real name, Diem Trang, is a beautiful one but I like this lovely nickname very much.Therefore, if you see me, you please call me “Beo iu”.
I was born and raised in Hoan Lao town, Bo Trach district, Quang Binh province but my homevillage is Ba Don town, Quang Trach district at the same province. The first time I saw the Sun was on June 23rd, 1991. Now I’m 17 years old. I’m an 11th grade student at Bo Trach High school – No 1. In my class, I’m a private secretary. Most of my classmates are kind to me, perhaps they thinks that I’m an active leader and maybe a good friend. I myself also perceive so. In work, I always have ability and try to complete it as well as I can. In life, I never heighten myself or look down on anyone. I usually love everybody.
For my friends’ judgement, I’m a person who is talkative, friendly and pleasant. I want to get acquainted with everybody. I am able to make others smile with my sense of humour. Being straightforward is one of my characters. This put me on very bad situations but I can’t be different. I have a weak point that noone likes is in the habit of overthinking. My close friends often scolded me for this. And I has been gradually changing this habit. I smiled more. I want to say to my friends that I thank them and I love them very very much.
At school, I study many subjects but the subject I like most is English and it will be one in my exams to university.So I always try my best to improve and broaden my vocabulary, pronounciation…I like speaking English very much. When having chance to meet foreigners, I even want to talk with them in spite of depending on their freetime.But I am not sad because I know that chances always come to people who have hope.And I need to try more and more.
Moreover, I also have a lot of hobbies, such as: reading books, listening to music, shopping, learning to cook, making poems, Karaoke singing, touching webs, chatting with my friends and so on.. But I like most is listening to music. I do this whenever I have freetime. Music makes me happy when I have sadness and it helps me relax when I feel tired. I listen all kinds of music.And the song I like best is “Hay tin vao chinh minh” with the performance of Anh Thuy singer. This song remind us to believe ourselves. The life has both difficult roads and the roads which are full of rose.And don’t lose our belief in a good future.
My idol in life is my daddy. He not only works hard but also takes care of our family carefully. And the poems which were made by him were very well. I love him so much. I also love my mom and my younger sister. Two daughters are two little and lovely princesses of our parents. My family is a happy one, I think so. And I can do anything for them.
In the future, I wish I would be a famous person in business because I want to talk with many people and earn more money for living. I also use my money to help people who have difficult or unfortunate life. It’s my dream.

[Riêng]

Result: Pass
Comment:

Dear Diem Trang,
Thank you so much for your interesting self-introduction essay. I can say that your essay is really neat and impressive about your knowledge and the way you express your own thinking. I am quite satisfied with your work.

Even though you still have some problem in dealing with the space in front of and behind the punctuation mark as well as the basic grammar that I think because of your carelessness, you can do even better if your pay more attention to them.

Please reread the essay with those mistakes I have pointed out, improve it, avoid the spelling/vocabulary/grammar errors and be better in the second round.

Good luck.

Hi everyone!
I’m (I am - please avoid this kind of abbreviation in a formal writing) “Beo iu” – it’s the name my friends often use to call me because I’m a girl who is quite fat. I think that my real name, Diem Trang, is a beautiful one but I like this lovely nickname very much.Therefore, if you see me, you (omit "you") please call me “Beo iu”.

I was born and raised in Hoan Lao town, Bo Trach district, Quang Binh province but my home village is Ba Don town, Quang Trach district in the same province. The first time I saw the Sun was on June 23rd, 1991. Now I’m 17 years old. I’m an 11th grade student at Bo Trach High school – No 1. In my class, I’m a private secretary. Most of my classmates are kind to me, perhaps they thinks (basic grammar, please pay more attention) that I’m an active ("dynamic" is much better) leader and maybe a good friend. I myself also perceive so. In work, I always have ability and try to complete it as well as I can. In life, I never heighten myself (self-conceited) or look down on anyone. I usually love everybody.

For my friends’ judgments, I’m a person who is talkative, friendly and pleasant (you should use "open-minded"). I want to get acquainted with everybody. I am able to make others smile with my sense of humour. Being straightforward is another character of mine. This puts me on very bad situations but I can’t be different. One of weak points that no one likes is in (omit "in") the habit of overthinking. My close friends often scold me for this. And I have (pay attention to basic grammar) been gradually changing this habit. I smile (just use the present tense) more. I want to say to my friends that I thank (or: I am grateful for) them and I love them very much.

At school, I study many subjects but the subject I like most is English and it will be one in my exams to enter university. (One space here, please) So I always try my best to improve and broaden my vocabulary, pronunciation…I like speaking English very much. When having chance to meet foreigners, I even want to talk with them even though I have to depend on their free time. But I am not sad because I know that chances always come to people who have hope and I need to try more.

Moreover, I also have a lot of hobbies, such as: reading books, listening to music, shopping, learning to cook, making (right word: creating) poems, Karaoke singing, touching(right word: surfing) webs, chatting with my friends and so on..(wrong punctuation mark) But the one I like most is listening to music. I do this whenever I have free time. Music makes me happy when I have sadness and it helps me relax when I feel tired. I listen to all kinds of music. And the song I like best is “Hay tin vao chinh minh” with the performance of Anh Thuy singer. This song remind us to believe ourselves. The life has both difficult roads and the rose roads. And don’t lose our belief in a good future.
My idol in life is my daddy. He not only works hard but also takes care of our family carefully. And the poems which were made by him are really nice and meaningful. I love him so much. I also love my mom and my younger sister. Two daughters are two little and lovely princesses of our parents. My family is a happy one, I think so. And I am willing to do anything for them.

In the future, I wish I will become a famous person in business because I want to communicate with many people and earn more money for living. I also use my money to help people who have difficult and unfortunate life. It’s my dream.