EWC 2008: Nominations for best essay of first round

[Rec]

Thân gửi tất cả mọi người,

Vòng 1 của EWContest đã khép lại với những thành công rất đáng ghi nhận khi lần đầu tiên QBO tổ chức một cuộc thi dành cho đối tượng học sinh sinh viên Quảng Bình. Tuy chỉ mới đi qua một nửa chặng đường và là bước khởi đầu cho những contest (hứa hẹn) ở các năm tiếp theo nhưng những kết quả đạt được là rất đáng ghi nhận và cần được đúc kết để chia sẻ trên diễn đàn QBO.

Mặc dù không có trong cơ cấu giải thưởng của contest nhưng BTC quyết định chọn ra một số bài viết xuất sắc, tiêu biểu của vòng 1 để đăng tải trên diễn đàn và các website. Và dưới đây là 8 bài viết tốt nhất (được đề cử bởi Ban giám khảo) trong số 134 bài dự thi. Chúng tôi sẽ lần lượt đăng tải từng bài một để cùng chia sẻ với mọi người (thứ tự đăng tải xếp theo số báo danh)

Cũng xin lưu ý, chúng tôi sẽ đăng tải song song bài viết được chỉnh sửa của BGK (CORRECTED ESSAY) và bài viết gửi lần 2 của thí sinh nếu có(REVISED ESSAY).

Chúc các bạn tiếp tục thành công ở vòng 2 của cuộc thi.

Thân,

[Rec]

Key-Ordinal Number: 002
Name: Pham Minh Nguyen
Address: 10 Math - Quang Binh High School for Gifted

CORRECTED ESSAY:
(Chữ màu đỏ là phần correct của Ban giám khảo)

My name is Pham Minh Nguyen. I was born on January 4th, 1992 and I’m 16 years old now. I’m live (living) with my family at 26 Nguyen Van Troi Street in Hai Dinh Ward, Dong Hoi City, Quang Binh Province. My telephone number is 84052824714. My email address is alone_in_the_dark_pmn@yahoo.com. I studied (used to study) at Hai Dinh Primary school and Secondary school. Now I’m studying in 10 Maths (no “s” because math is a subject and it’s not a countable noun) Class of Chuyen Quang Binh High School. (Now I’m a sophomore, studying math in Quang Binh High School for the Gifted.)

My family has 4 members: my parents, my elder brother and me. My parents are officers and my elder brother is a student at a university of technology. We are very happy because we always love and sympathize (understand) each other. Besides, I also have many friends. They are very good and friendly. When we have free time, we often go out or chat together.

Many friends of mine regard me as a silent person (Many of my friends said that I’m a quiet person) but I think (that) I’m an active boy. I like sports, especially footbal (soccer). I also like mucic (music) and technology. My favourite (favorite) band is Backstreet Boys and my favourite football team is Manchester Utd. In my free time, I often play sports, listen to music or play videos games (good parallelism). My favoutite subjects are Maths and English. I always try my best to keep my promises and be on time in any cases (be on time under any circumstances).

When I finish my education, I hope to be a diplomat. That is my dream. (Three of these sentences can be combined in to one. “When I finish my education, I want to pursue my dream of becoming a diplomat.”) I am interested in surveying the cultures of all the countries of (in) the world. I want to go around the world and find out new interesting things (I want to travel and discover the wonders around the world). I (also) want to improve the present/current political atmosphere among (for) many countries as now [color=red](omit “as now”). And (As) for me, the share of information is a connection to long term friendship with people from all over the world.

I know, (unnecessary comma) the way to become a diplomat isn't easy. It is a (hard) work that requires high professional knowledge ands [color=red](replace ands with a comma) especially standard foreign language level. I think English is the international language of business. So I try my best to learn English. I hope my dream will come true.

I participate in The (the) QBO English Writing Contest because I like English first of all. I realize that this is an opportunity for me to improving (to improve) my English writing skill. I want to exchange experiences with people who have the same hobby as me (mine). Through this contest, I want to test my proficiency. I hope I will pass the first round.

REVISED ESSAY:

Introduction about Myself

Hi everybody!

My name is Pham Minh Nguyen. I was born on January 4th, 1992 and I’m 16 years old now. I’m living with my family at 26 Nguyen Van Troi Street in Hai Dinh Ward, Dong Hoi City, Quang Binh Province. My telephone number is 84052824714. My email address is alone_in_the_dark_pmn@yahoo.com. I used to study at Hai Dinh Primary school and Secondary school. I’m currently a tenth grader of Quang Binh Gifted High School and my concentration of study is Math.

My family has 4 members: my parents, my elder brother and me. My parents are officers and my elder brother is a student at a university of technology. We are very happy because we always love and understand each other. Besides, I also have many friends. They are very good and friendly. When we have free time, we often go out or chat together.

Many of my friends said that I’m a quiet person but I don’t think so. I find myself active and humorous. I like sports very much, especially soccer. I also like music and technology. My favorite band is Backstreet Boys and my favorite football club is Manchester United. In my free time, I often play sports, listen to music or play video games. Of all the subjects, Math and English are the ones I like best. I always try my best to keep my promises and be on time under any circumstances.

When I finish my education, I want to pursue my dream of becoming a diplomat. I am interested in surveying the cultures of all the countries in the world. I want to travel and discover the wonders around the world. I also want to improve the present political atmosphere among many countries. As for me, the share of information is a connection to long term friendship with people from all over the world.

I know the way to become a diplomat isn't easy. It is a work that requires high professional knowledge, especially standard foreign language level. I think English is the international language of business. So I try my best to learn English. I hope my dream will come true.

I participate in the QBO English Writing Contest because I like English first of all. I realize that this is a great opportunity to improve my English writing skill. I want to exchange experiences with people who have the same hobby as mine. Through this contest, I want to test my proficiency in English. I hope I will pass the first round.

[Rec]

Key-Ordinal Number: 011
Name: Hoàng Thị Kiều Mơ
Address: College of Foreign Languages - National University Hanoi.

CORRECTED TEXT:

Welcome to the Chat with 8X show of VCT5 Digital TV Vietnam.
Maybe you have got accquainted with meeting a famous or succesful 8Xer in chat with 8X (Maybe you are accustomed to meeting with many famous or successful 8Xers in “Chat with 8X”). But Today, unusually, (“However, we will do something different Today,” Avoid using “But” at the beginning of the sentence.) I want you to make friend with a “very” normal 8Xer to see what a normal person life (normal person's life is like).
(Give some space to ease the readers’ eyes)
Our guest to day (Today) is a friend named Kieu Mo from Quang Binh.

MC: Hello, Mơ. Could you introduce yourself?
KM: Oh, yeah. Hi, everyone. I’m Mơ,(;) my full name is Hoàng Thị Kiều Mơ. I was born in 1989 ^_^, which means that I’m 19 years old. I’m a first year student of College of Foreign Languages, Vietnam Natinal (National) University Hanoi.
MC: Uhm…Clearer? (Could you give us some more details?)
[b]KM: Uhm. Infact, I think there is not much to talk about me.
MC: [/b]What About your characteristics?
KM: Like almost (most/many, “almost” is used when you stress on the degree or quality of the noun. For example, “he looks almost like me,” “I’m almost 22 years old.”) other teenagers, I like listening to music, reading and watching cartoon, going shopping, especially, I like eating ice-cream in the winter, etc. Most of (many) people say that I am very childhood (“childlike” is an adjective describes your appearance; “childhood” is a noun, which refers to your past as a child; “childish” describes your behavior) and I like that ^_^. Although I am a first year student, I look like a tenth grade pupil in a high school. Do you think so?
MC: Haha, maybe. I wonder whether it is the reason why you only sing the children’s songs?
KM: ^_^
MC: I’ve heard from your high school friends that you were famous with the song “Em tập lái ôtô” for such a long time.
KM: ^_^
MC: I wish I could listen to it right now.
KM: OK.
(Music)
Audience: laugh + clap
MC: Thank you. You have a beautiful voice!!!
KM: (Shy) You don’t have to say that. ^_^
MC: What’s (What) about your daily life?
KM: My life is pretty simple. Now I’m living in the hostel (a boarding house/dormitory) with 7 others (other) friends from different provinces. They are cute, pretty, friendly…uhm, and …humorous (goofy) as well. (Smile with roommates at audience). About my study, I only have to go to school in the mornings, of course, except for Saturdays and Sundays (^_^). In the afternoons, I always stay at home to do my homework or go for my parttime (two words) job as a teaching assitant (perhaps you mean teacher assistant, or a tutor) for Education and Training Apollo. At (During the) weekends, some of my roommates come (go) back to their hometowns, and the rest will (omit “will” because your previous tense is not a future tense) visit some famous places in Hanoi. Certainly, I am always in the rest (in the latter group) because I’m the farthest person in my room (because my hometown is the farthest compare to those of my roommates). Therefore, I have quite a lot of chances to visit (to wander around) our beautiful capital.
MC: Could you tell us about your ambition?
KM: Uhm. Originally, I wished to become a bussiness (spelling) woman or a manager. I used to dream of setting up a company and running my own bussiness. However, not all things in life comes (subject-verb agreement!) up to our expectation. My ambition broke down when I failed 1st choice in university entrance exam (the entrance exam of my 1st choice university). Then, I chose my College of Foreign Languages, Vietnam Natinal (spelling) University as the scecond (spelling) choice (However, fate leads me to my second choice, which is the current university that I am studying in now). At first, I was very upset and thought of sitting (I’m confused. You mean “sitting out for” as in not taking the exam? Also clarify where the exam is coming from because we are talking about two different schools here) the next year exam. However, when I study there, I have a chance to learn a lot, not only my major English (switch order) but also the living (social) skills, which are very helpful for my future job. Moreover, I think English becomes more and more important nowadays. Everyone speaks English everywhere. As you can see, in daily life (remove this) although we communicate with others by our mother language, we still use English in some cases (we still adopt some English words into our daily life) such as: size, laptop, cute, fairplay (two words), etc. Thus, to be a student of (or “at the”) College of Foreign Languages is [color=red]a (the) right choice for me. Now, I am trying my best to win a scholarship, I always desire to study abroad.
MC: What’s your plan after graduating from the university?
KM: Well! At the present, I wish to work as a (an) interpreter after finishing my study. Besides that, I will still pursue my former ambition. I intend to register for a bussiness course (business courses) and then open a shop to sell any thing I’d love to (things that I feel is worth an investment).
MC: Well, what a good plan! I wish your dream would (will) come true.
KM: Thanks a lot.
MC: You are really a willing teenager. I believe with your attempt, you will succeed (will be successful) in your (omit “your”) life.
KM: Thanks.
MC: Ladies and Gentlemen, we have met a simple but nevertheless a special girlfriend. Unlike the other guests of Chat with 8X before (omit “before”) who were very successful, Mo didn’t succeed, she failed, or she hasn’t succeeded. But “life is not all beer and skittles”, “nothing is impossible to a willing heart”.(period or comma before the quotation marks) With Mo’s attempt (determination), we all believe her dreams will come true one day. "

REVISED TEXT:

“Welcome to the Chat with 8X show of VCT5 Digital TV Vietnam”
Maybe you are accustomed to meeting with many famous or successful 8Xers in “Chat with 8X”. “However, we will do something different. I want you to make friend with a “very” normal 8Xer to see what a normal person's life is like.
Our guest Today is a friend named Kieu Mo from Quang Binh.

MC: Hello, Mơ. Could you introduce yourself?
KM: Oh, yeah. Hi, everyone. I’m Mơ; my full name is Hoàng Thị Kiều Mơ. I was born in 1989 ^_^, which means that I’m 19 years old. I’m a first year student of College of Foreign Languages, Vietnam National University Hanoi.
MC: Uhm… Could you give us some more details?
KM: Uhm. In fact, I think there is not much to talk about me.
MC: What about your characteristics?
KM: Like most other teenagers, I like listening to music, reading and watching cartoon, going shopping, especially, I like eating ice-cream in the winter, etc. many people say that I am very childlike and I like that ^_^. Although I am a first year student, I look like a tenth grade pupil in a high school. Do you think so?
MC: Haha, maybe. I wonder whether it is the reason why you only sing the children’s songs?
KM: ^_^
MC: I’ve heard from your high school friends that you were famous with the song “Em tập lái ôtô” for such a long time.
KM: ^_^
MC: I wish I could listen to it right now.
KM: OK.
(Music)
Audience: laugh + clap
MC: Thank you.. You have a beautiful voice!!!
KM: (Shy) You don’t have to say that. ^_^
MC: What about your daily life?
KM: My life is pretty simple. Now I’m living in the dormitory with 7 other friends from different provinces. They are cute, pretty, friendly…uhm, and …humorous as well...About my study, I only have to go to school in the mornings, of course, except for Saturdays and Sundays (^_^). In the afternoons, I always stay at home to do my homework or go for my part time job as a teaching assistant (perhaps you mean teacher assistant, or a tutor) for Education and Training Apollo. During the weekends, some of my roommates go back to their hometowns, and the rest visit some famous places in Hanoi. Certainly, I am always in the rest in the latter group because my hometown is the farthest compare to those of my roommates. Therefore, I have quite a lot of chances to wander around our beautiful capital.
MC: Could you tell us about your ambition?
KM: Uhm. Originally, I wished to become a business woman or a manager. I used to dream of setting up a company and running my own business. However, not all things in life come up to our expectation. My ambition broke down when I failed the entrance exam of my 1st choice university. However, fate leads me to my second choice, which is the current university that I am studying in now. At first, I was very upset and thought of sitting for the next year entrance exam. However, when I study there, I have a chance to learn a lot, not only my English major but also the social skills, which are very helpful for my future job. Moreover, I think English becomes more and more important nowadays. Everyone speaks English everywhere. As you can see, although we communicate with others by our mother language, we still adopt some English words into our daily life such as: size, laptop, cute, fair play, etc. Thus, to be a student at the College of Foreign Languages is the right choice for me. Now, I am trying my best to win a scholarship, I always desire to study abroad.
MC: What’s your plan after graduating from the university?
KM: Well! At the present, I wish to work as an interpreter after finishing my study. Besides that, I will still pursue my former ambition. I intend to register for a business course and then open a shop to sell any thing that I feel is worth an investment.
MC: Well, what a good plan! I wish your dream will come true.
KM: Thanks a lot.
MC: You are really a willing teenager. I believe with your attempt, you will will be successful in life.
KM: Thanks.
MC: Ladies and Gentlemen, we have met a simple but nevertheless a special girlfriend. Unlike the other guests of Chat with 8X who were very successful, Mo didn’t succeed, she failed, or she hasn’t succeeded. But “life is not all beer and skittles”, “nothing is impossible to a willing heart”. With Mo’s determination, we all believe her dreams will come true one day. "

[Rec]

Key-Ordinal Number: 029
Name: Ha Tran Thi Thu
Address: A1-High Quality Class-Business Administration - Foreign Trade University-Hanoi

REVISED TEXT:

Where dream comes true

This is the first time I have taken part in such a special contest. It has a great significance to me because it is not only for the sake of myself but also of my beloved homeland.

My name is Ha Tran Thi Thu. I’m 19 years old. At present, I’m a first year student of Foreign Trade University, Hanoi. I’m studying Business Administration, which sounds interesting but quite difficult to master. I was born in a small village of Donghoi, Quangbinh. Throughout my childhood days, I was brought up in the passionate poor homeland through folk songs and paddy-fields. Gone are the days when I wandered through the green fields with my friends being absorbed in fairy tales of the countryside.

Since I was a high school student, I have been involved in a lot of community service, which brings me a lot of benefits. It serves as a welcome relief from the pressure of work. They help me meet the challenge of balancing the working life and the social life. In addition, they offer me a good time and a great opportunity to meet and interact with people from different backgrounds. It is a great chance to learn how to work in groups, how to express my ideas and how to solve problems satisfactorily. Moreover, outdoor activities provide me with a sense of accomplishment because they benefit the surrounding community. We have been working side by side to help many local or national charitable organizations. I seem to have found a feeling of happiness when disabled children turn to us for comfort and help in difficult times.

For three years, I have had an intention of holding a contest of critical thinking and teamwork for Quangbinh students. Actually, teamwork is essential for competing in Today’s global arena, where individual perfection is not as desirable as a high level of collective performance. Admittedly, not all Quangbinh students have enough capacity of analysing, evaluating situations and collaborating with other people effectively. The way we study like bookworms just serves as a main factor hindering their chances of promotion in this dynamic world. In an attempt to improve our performance, I have drawn up a rough plan for this contest and I hope it will be welcomed.

Up to now, I have been studying very hard in order to fulfill my lifelong ambition. It is always my dream to set up my own investment bank in Donghoi City. As far as I’m concerned, the price I have to pay for the reward of owning a fast-growing company is paid in evenings and weekends and being the last in line for payment. However difficult it may be, I think “Nothing ventures, nothing gains”. My main goal of running a bank is to raise funds for industry and tourism development as well as offer stockbroking and portfolio management services to rich corporations and individual clients. Another purpose is to attract more high-qualified graduates. It is common knowledge that there is a prevalent trend of good students leaving Quangbinh to earn a job in other cities. As a result, Quangbinh is on the verge of lagging far behind due to its lack of skilled workforce. I hope I can help to prevent the so-called ‘brain drain’ and create more prospects of promotion for Quangbinh students.

To sum up, if anyone ever asks me “How deep is your love of homeland?”, I will not hesitate to reply “Enough to put my homeland on the map”. I expect all I have been learning and doing to be useful to my beloved hometown. There is a saying of the American president John F. Kennedy “Ask not what your country can do for you – Ask what you can do for your country”. On behalf of young people, I would like to express my feelings through the song “ Everyday I choose a joy” (composed by Trinh Cong Son) with the lyrics I wrote by myself.

Everyday I choose a joy
Flowers and smiles
I pick up the wind and ask you to hold it tightly
Then your eyes light up with happiness.

Everyday I choose a road
The road to my comrades and friends
I’m waiting for your coming back
Hand in hand walking on yellow tamarind leaves.

And everyday is a miracle
I’m becoming part of the world
Loving the life with all my heart.

Everyday I choose a joy
With my friends I fly to a place
Where we sing together
To see smiles flickering in the breeze.

Everyday I choose one time
When folk songs bring me to this beautiful life
I choose rain and sunshine
Walking through green fields, loving homeland ever more.

And everyday is a miracle
I’m becoming a part of the world
Loving the life with all my heart.

Everyday I choose to sit silently
Looking out there to my beloved homeland, thinking about myself
I suddenly realize why I am living
Because my country needs a heart.

[Rec]

Key-Ordinal Number: 074
Name: Trương Thuỳ Linh
Address: 11 English, Quang Binh High School for gifted

CORRECTED TEXT:

Hello!
I'm Trương Thuỳ Linh.

My nickname is Rạng. (I was named after that cause I was born at the dawn and Rạng means "bright". It's also my (parents’s) parents’hope about me ( _) I'd be as bright as the sunshine. ^^ )

Now I'm learning in 11 English class, Quang Binh Gifted High School.

Music is my biggest hobby, including (listen) listening to Pop music, (play) playing the organ and (sing) singing. Luckily, singing is one of my outstanding gifts. (You can listen to my voice here http://www.zshare.net/audio/10528823e1e81f9b/ ^ ^) . I joined in many performances when I was in primary and secondary school(s). That gave me a lot of chances to show my ability and participate in interesting activities. (Besides, I like) I also enjoy reading and surfing the Web. My favorite magazine is Monthly World Security (_) a special issue of Ministry of Public Security about art and social problems. I find Vietnam Teenage magazines not attractive enough for me. In my free time, I usually surf the Web to update information and care for my blog(_) a special friend of (me) mine.( You can visit my blog here http://360.yahoo.com/maruko211) (checked- va ko do noi!!!)

(As)Like everyone else (The "else" is optional but would be idiomatic in English), I have many dreams for the future, and my main aim is to be able to enter The Security Academy and do my favorite job (_ become), becominga Policeman. (This wish has come to me) This has been my dream since I was just a little girl. My father is a Policeman and I was deeply impressed by the Police Uniform ( _ )so nice and serious. (The older I grow, the more things I know about this job) The time has gone by; my knowledge has increased about this job. It's (a) not only hard but also helpful and meaningful occupation. I'm (dreaming of) waiting the day when I enjoy the proud feeling wearing the Police Uniform and do everything I can to help people around me to have (safer live) safer lives. Since now I always remind myself to attempt harder to let my dreams come true.

I love to join social activities and competitions held by my school. However, for some reasons (I'm not quite self-confident as I've been before) I feel my self-confidence is not what it used to be that prevents me a lot from taking part in (actively) those programs. Now I'm trying to improve myself and become more fearless. It's the one of (the) causes for my decision to join this writing contest. In addition, I find it a good chance for me to test my writing skill. Of course, I wish to be the winner. I believe that will bring me new friends and help me a part in having a laptop which I've been (dreaming) wanting (smile! a laptop is not worth as becoming a policeman) for a long time.

Above is all typical of me and my view about The QBO English Writing Contest. I hope to have an opportunity to continue with this competition in the second part. Finally, thank for reading my introduction.

Yours,

REVISED ESSAY:

Hello!
I'm Trương Thuỳ Linh.
My nickname is Rạng. (I was named after that cause I was born at the dawn and Rạng means "bright". It's also my parents’ hope about me, I'd be as bright as the sunshine. ^^ )
Now I'm learning in 11 English class, Quang Binh Gifted High School.

Music is my biggest hobby, including listening to Pop and Instrumental music, playing the organ and singing. Luckily, singing is one of my outstanding gifts. (You can listen to my voice here http://www.zshare.net/audio/10528823e1e81f9b/ ) . I joined in many performances when I was in primary and secondary school. That gave me a lot of chances to show my ability and participate in interesting activities. I also enjoy reading and surfing the Web. My favorite magazine is Monthly World Security , a special issue of Ministry of Public Security about art and social problems. I find Vietnam Teenage magazines not attractive enough for me. In my free time, I usually surf the Web to update information and care for my blog, a special friend of mine.( You can visit my blog here http://360.yahoo.com/maruko211 ^ ^ )

Like everyone else, I have many dreams for the future, and my main aim is to be able to enter The Security Academy and do my favorite job, becoming a Policeman. This has been my dream since I was just a little girl. My father is a Policeman and I was deeply impressed by the Police Uniform which is so nice and serious. The time has gone by, my knowledge has increased about this job. It's not only hard but also helpful and meaningful. I'm waiting the day when I enjoy the proud feeling wearing the Police Uniform and do everything I can to help people around me to have safer lives. Since now I always remind myself to attempt harder to let my dreams come true.

I love to join social activities and competitions held by my school. However, for some reasons I feel my self-confident is not what it used to be and that prevents me a lot from taking part in those programs. Now I'm trying to improve myself and become more fearless. It's the one of causes for my decision to join this writing contest. In addition, I find it a good chance for me to test my writing skill. Of course, I wish to be the winner. I believe that will bring me new friends and help me a part in having a laptop which I've been wanting for a long time.

Above is all typical of me and my view about The QBO English Writing Contest. I hope to have an opportunity to continue with this competition in the second round. Finally, thank for reading my introduction.

Yours,

[Rec]

Key-Ordinal Number: 098
Name: Thanh Bình
Address: VietNam Aviation Academy

CORRECTED ESSAY:

I am a little girl in a simple and sincere meaning. I was born and grew up in Dong Hoi, where Nhat Le River gently and peacefully flows round the year. Sensitively, my name is Thanh Binh, which means peace in English. I have just welcomed my 20th birthday on 23rd March. And people say that it is the nicest age in one’s own life so I should enjoy it with all my heart. I have a beautiful life with thepeople I love, the work I want to do and the things I hope for.

I am a second -year (or junior) student of a University that is not much unknown (what do you mean?). But I am proud because it is the unique school in Vietnam training students in civil aviation. My school is VietNam Aviation Academy.

I like and love many things. I like listening to music, especially Rock. It makes me relax after strains of a day. What’s more, it makes me stronger every time the whole world has gone out. It brings back a lively ray of hope into my darkest days and helps me realize that my life is still wonderfully meaningful. More specially, I find myself and pursue the things I love. An idiom goes: “Nothing ventured, nothing gained”. I was 17 years old when I organized the first Rock Show in Quang Binh. I understand that the most important change that people can make is to change their way of looking at the world. I love guitar, too. It is hard to describe the feeling I have as I play and enjoy sweet melody of guitar. Indeed, I can discover myself and love, salvage myself from sorrow and despair and get new inspiration for creation and the road ahead. In my free time, I sometimes also write and contribute to some newspapers such as School Flower, Vietnam Students (Hoa Hoc Tro and Sinh Vien Viet Nam in Vietnamese, respectively) and Vietnamnet. Writing improves my expressing language and communication skills. Furthermore, it will be very useful for my job in future.

To gain much more knowledge, I read books. There are many kinds of books I have ever read. They are interesting novels such as The Gad Fly, Gone with the Wind, Homeless, Living on a Deserted Island, The Thorn Birds… or good diaries such as “Dang Thuy Tram Diary”, “Nancy Diary”. With regard to poem, I like poem of Vi Thuy Linh – a contemporary poetess and Han Mac Tu – a famous poet whose hometown is in Dong Hoi, Quang Binh. In addition, I learn and beautify my mind as I read books such as The Way Ahead, Becoming rich is not difficult, PR Career and so on.

I am trying my best to build up and fulfill my dream. I like PR and my wish is to become a PR officer in aviation. To make dream come true, I non-stop improve my knowledge and develop my skills concerned with PR. Naturally, all things which I have done seem to be beneficial experience to my future career. I was not successful in the first business in my life when I was in grade 9, not successful in the first short story I wrote, not successful in the National Talented Student Contest I took part in, not successful in the first month I learnt guitar, but after all, failure makes me more mature and I get more experience. I realize that I should have the courage to live because anyone can die.

To sum up, I am on the way of self-improvement. It is not a job of one day, but of my whole life. Denis Waitley said: “The most splendid achievement of all is the constant striving to surpass yourself and to be worthy of your own approval”. Therefore, if I could not be the sun, I could still be a star twinkling in the sky, why not?

Reference: Spirit of Nature Heart of Love

REVISED ESSAY:

I am a little girl in a simple and sincere meaning. I was born and grew up in Dong Hoi, where Nhat Le River gently and peacefully flows round the year. Sensitively, my name is Thanh Binh, which means peace in English. I have just welcomed my 20th birthday on 23rd March. And people say that it is the nicest age in one’s own life so I should enjoy it with all my heart. I have a beautiful life with the people I love, the work I want to do and the things I hope for.
I am a junior student of a University that is not much unknown. But I am proud because it is the unique school in Vietnam training students in civil aviation. My school is VietNam Aviation Academy.
I like and love many things. I like listening to music, especially Rock. It makes me relax after strains of a day. What’s more, it makes me stronger every time the whole world has gone out. It brings back a lively ray of hope into my darkest days and helps me realize that my life is still wonderfully meaningful. More specially, I find myself and pursue the things I love. An idiom goes: “Nothing ventured, nothing gained”. I was 17 years old when I organized the first Rock Show in Quang Binh. I understand that the most important change that people can make is to change their way of looking at the world. I love guitar, too. It is hard to describe the feeling I have as I play and enjoy sweet melody of guitar. Indeed, I can discover myself and love, salvage myself from sorrow and despair and get new inspiration for creation and the road ahead. In my free time, I sometimes also write and contribute to some newspapers such as School Flower, Vietnam Students (Hoa Hoc Tro and Sinh Vien Viet Nam in Vietnamese, respectively) and Vietnamnet. Writing improves my expressing language and communication skills. Furthermore, it will be very useful for my job in future.
To gain much more knowledge, I read books. There are many kinds of books I have ever read. They are interesting novels such as The Gad Fly, Gone with the Wind, Homeless, Living on a Deserted Island, The Thorn Birds… or good diaries such as “Dang Thuy Tram Diary”, “Nancy Diary”. With regard to poem, I like poem of Vi Thuy Linh – a contemporary poetess and Han Mac Tu – a famous poet whose hometown is in Dong Hoi, Quang Binh. In addition, I learn and beautify my mind as I read books such as The Way Ahead, Becoming rich is not difficult, PR Career and so on.
I am trying my best to build up and fulfill my dream. I like PR and my wish is to become a PR officer in aviation. To make dream come true, I non-stop improve my knowledge and develop my skills concerned with PR. Naturally, all things which I have done seem to be beneficial experience to my future career. I was not successful in the first business in my life when I was in grade 9, not successful in the first short story I wrote, not successful in the National Talented Student Contest I took part in, not successful in the first month I learnt guitar, but after all, failure makes me more mature and I get more experience. I realize that I should have the courage to live because anyone can die.
To sum up, I am on the way of self-improvement. It is not a job of one day, but of my whole life. Denis Waitley said: “The most splendid achievement of all is the constant striving to surpass yourself and to be worthy of your own approval”. Therefore, if I could not be the sun, I could still be a star twinkling in the sky, why not?

Reference: Spirit of Nature Heart of Love

[Rec]

Key-Ordinal Number: 111
Name: Thu Trang
Address: 10 English, Quang Binh High School for gifted

CORRECTED ESSAY:

Hi!

My name's Thu Trang. I'm a student of the Gifted High School of Quang Binh. I'm now 16 years old and I'm studying in 10 English class. I'm very happy to participate in this interesting contest. Let me tell you something about myself!

I was born on 9 October 1992, in a Russian big city. When I was 13-month old, my family moved to Viet Nam, because we're Vietnamese. Since then, I have grown up peacefully in Quang Binh for about 15 years. You know, I have two country (countries): Russia and VietNam.

One of my hobbies is reading. In my free time, I usually go to many bookshops in the city, just to find a satisfactory book. One day, I spent hours finding, but I didn't take any thing back. It wastes my time much! I'm (I am) fond of the foreign romantic novels, such as: Gone with the wind, If you weren't a dream, Tra Hoa Nu... I find many delightful emotions of the life in each story. Those are really the works of art: emotive, impalpable and real.

Besides reading, I also write short stories about my daily life, people around me and my feelings. Sometimes, I send them to the Quang Binh desk to try my ability. Reading and writing improve each other effectively!

I can play some sports such as: volleyball, table tennis, badminton...I'm an active member of my class's volleyball team. Although we haven't got any prize, we are all happy. I think that playing sport is an effective way to improve our health and to relax our mind after a hard working day. So I play sport everyday, when I have free time.

The community's acts always excite me very much. I'm extremely glad to be an enthusiastic volunteer. The feeling that I can help other people elates me. Doing volunteer works brings me the important lesson about the human-love, which plays a deep meaning. It also mature (matures)me andmake (makes) me more confident.

What's the most important with me? Family occupies an important position in my heart. I know I'm a lucky girl! I have a cozy family with the intimate persons, who always take care of me, shelter me, encourage me...And above all, I know that they love me as much as I love them. One day, when I'm a grown person, I will have to leave my hearth to build my own life. But I know that the consanguinity is permanently (adjective: permanent).

In the future, I want to be a good diplomat. I'm now trying my best to actualize my desire as soon as possible.

REVISED ESSAY:

Hi!

My name's Thu Trang. I'm a student of the Gifted High School of Quang Binh. I'm now 16 years old and I'm studying in 10 English class. I'm very happy to participate in this interesting contest. Let me tell you something about myself!
I was born on 9 October 1992, in a Russian big city. When I was 13-month old, my family moved to Viet Nam, because we're Vietnamese. Since then, I have grown up peacefully in Quang Binh for about 15 years. You know, I have two countries: Russia and VietNam.
One of my hobbies is reading. In my free time, I usually go to many bookshops in the city, just to find a satisfactory book. One day, I spent hours finding, but I didn't take any thing back. It wastes my time much! I am fond of the foreign romantic novels, such as: Gone with the wind, If you weren't a dream, Tra Hoa Nu... I find many delightful emotions of the life in each story. Those are really the works of art: emotive, impalpable and real.
Besides reading, I also write short stories about my daily life, people around me and my feelings. Sometimes, I send them to the Quang Binh desk to try my ability. Reading and writing improve each other effectively!
I can play some sports such as: volleyball, table tennis, badminton...I'm an active member of my class's volleyball team. Although we haven't got any prize, we are all happy. I think that playing sport is an effective way to improve our health and to relax our mind after a hard working day. So I play sport everyday, when I have free time.
The community's acts always excite me very much. I'm extremely glad to be an enthusiastic volunteer. The feeling that I can help other people elates me. Doing volunteer works brings me the important lesson about the human-love, which plays a deep meaning. It also matures me and makes me more confident.
What's the most important with me? Family occupies an important position in my heart. I know I'm a lucky girl! I have a cozy family with the intimate persons, who always take care of me, shelter me, encourage me...And above all, I know that they love me as much as I love them. One day, when I'm a grown person, I will have to leave my hearth to build my own life. But I know that the consanguinity is permanent.
In the future, I want to be a good diplomat. I'm now trying my best to actualize my desire as soon as possible.

[Rec]

Key-Ordinal Number: 117
Name: Tran Minh Quoc
Address: 11 Biology - Quoc Hoc High School, Hue

CORRECTED ESSAY:

PERSONAL STATEMENT

When I was a little boy, I usually thought that my fatherland is Hue city because I was born in Hue. One day my father and I visited Quang Binh. The first thing I felt about this town is that unlike Hue, it is small and in a bad condition. The people’s accents were also much different from mine. I laughed at the voice because itis (was) so funny and difficult to understand. However, my father said this was his hometown and it was also my fatherland. I stopped laughing immediately when hearing his words. Then I have come to appreciate it more as a part of my fatherland.

After these reflections, I am greatly encouraged to learn more information (if you want to use “to learn more…,” then omit “information,” or you can say “to obtain more information…”) about my fatherland–Quang Binh. I am really delighted by this place because of many wonderful things. The first thing is the Phong Nha Ke Bang which is recognized as a world heritage by UNESCO. The second thing is the peaceful beautiful town with its tranquil beach. It is the tranquility in this city that makes me pleased (pleases me). Time came when I learned about this essay writing contest. The line “The QBO English Writing contest for Quang Binh people” surely attracts me right away. I think this occasion is useful for me to demonstrate my love to my fatherland; moreover, it also shows my English knowledge.

To begin with (omit, unnecessary preposition), let meto (first) introduce about myself. My full name is Tran Minh Quoc. I am living in Hue city. Now I am studying in grade 11 at Quoc Hoc High School in Hue city–one of the top 3 famous National schools in Vietnam. It is honorable to study at such a prestigious school like Quoc Hoc High school. People would take it for granted that the higher the grade, the best the results. My big ambition is having the chance to study abroad in the United States. My favorite subjects are English and Sciences. But I attach special importance to English. Since last summer, I have stepped out of my comfort zone to be involved in many voluntary activities, among which I found teaching the disadvantaged children most interesting and rewarding. Especially, I did voluntary work in a nursing at Hue Central Hospital. During this time, I took care of the elderly and disabled children. I also shared sadness and happiness with the patients. I always encouraged them to overcome morbidities. Since that summer, I have always fostered the dream of becoming a doctor. That is why now (either move “now” to the end of the sentence, or replace it with “currently” and put this before "studying") I am studying at (in) class 11, specialize(ing) in Biology.

In conclusion, I want to tell you about myself to remind me of being a part of Quang Binh. And this is a good occasion for meto tell that thing (to give you a piece of my thoughts; avoid using thing, especially as an ending statement because you want to leave an impression).

REVISED ESSAY:

PERSONAL STATEMENT

When I was a little boy, I usually thought that my fatherland is Hue city because I was born in Hue. One day my father and I visited Quang Binh. The first thing I felt about this town is that unlike Hue, it is small and in a bad condition. The people’s accents were also much different from mine. I laughed at the voice because it was so funny and difficult to understand. However, my father said this was his hometown and it was also my fatherland. I stopped laughing immediately when hearing his words. Then I have come to appreciate it more as a part of my fatherland.

After these reflections, I am greatly encouraged to learn more about my fatherland–Quang Binh. I am really delighted by this place because of many wonderful things. The first thing is the Phong Nha Ke Bang which is recognized as a world heritage by UNESCO. The second thing is the peaceful beautiful town with its tranquil beach. It is the tranquility in this city that makes pleases me. Time came when I learned about this essay writing contest. The line “The QBO English Writing contest for Quang Binh people” surely attracts me right away. I think this occasion is useful for me to demonstrate my love to my fatherland; moreover, it also shows my English knowledge.

To begin, let me to first introduce about myself. My full name is Tran Minh Quoc. I am living in Hue city. Now I am studying in grade 11 at Quoc Hoc High School in Hue city–one of the top 3 famous National schools in Vietnam. It is honorable to study at such a prestigious school like Quoc Hoc High school. People would take it for granted that the higher the grade, the best the results. My big ambition is having the chance to study abroad in the United States. My favorite subjects are English and Sciences. But I attach special importance to English. Since last summer, I have stepped out of my comfort zone to be involved in many voluntary activities, among which I found teaching the disadvantaged children most interesting and rewarding. Especially, I did voluntary work in a nursing at Hue Central Hospital. During this time, I took care of the elderly and disabled children. I also shared sadness and happiness with the patients. I always encouraged them to overcome morbidities. Since that summer, I have always fostered the dream of becoming a doctor. That is why I am studying in class 11, specializing in Biology now.

In conclusion, I want to tell you about myself to remind me of being a part of Quang Binh. And this is a good occasion for me to tell that.

[Rec]

Key-Ordinal Number: 125
Name: Le Do Nhat Phuong
Address: 10A3 - Nguyen Tat Thanh High school, Ha Noi

CORRECTED ESSAY:

Hi,

I am writing to introduce something about myself.

My name is Le Do Nhat Phuong. I was born on March 25th, 1992 in Dong Hoi city, Quang Binh province. I am in class 10A3. My class is high quality class so I am always busy with doing Maths, Physis (Physics) and Chemistry exercises. My school is one of the best school in Hanoi. My favourite subject are Maths, English and Civics Education. The reason why I like these subjects is that the teacher teach very excitingly. I do not like Art because I am bad at drawing. My hobbies are playing volleyball, playing the organ, swimming and reading books. In the summer, I usually go to Nhat Le beach. My village has many beautiful beaches. I am usually busy digging sand to catch little crabs and gathering shells. My house is very lovely. It is on Ly Thuong Kiet street. There is a rice paddy field behind my house. On the first and fifteenth days of the lunar month, the villagers oftens go to the pagoda to give offerings to The God of Agricuture (Agriculture). Next to the rice paddy field, there is a river. Many energetic boys usually swim in the river and others row a boat to pick some lotus. Harvest time is certainly the busiest and the merriest time of year. During the harvest, farmers often get up very early in the morning. They cheerfully go to their rice fields to harvest the bumper crop-the fruits of many months of hard work. My neighbors are very friendly and lovely. They are willing to offer mutual help in any case and always get on well with one another harmoniously. Now I live far from my house-my family. I am very homesick. My parents work very hard for me. How can not I miss them? How can I forget the wonderful time spent on this river fishing or rowing a boat with my lovely friends? My village is rather poor indeed but I like it very much because I was born, grew up there and spent my happiest childhood among the simple, friendly and hard-working villagers.

Let me introduce my family. There are four people in my family. My father is 48 years old. He is a lecturer of Quang Binh university. He works in Computer science and Maths faculty. He is very handsome with a straight nose and black hair. Sometimes, he is very humourous. He makes us laugh a lot. He is very inteligent and I am proud of him. Once, when he saw me off after Tet holiday, he cried because he misses me, loves me and does not want to be far from me. My mother said that this was the first time he had cried since he married her.

My mother is gentle and good at cooking. She is also good at social work. She is very kind to everybody so many people love her. She helps everybody whenever they are in need. She loves Literature. When I studied in a primary school, she usually writed (wrote) essays about “Traffic safety”,etc..for me to perform. She is always very busy.

I have a younger brother. He is 11 years old. He is in class 5A in Dong My primary school. He loves science. He loves animals, especially sea animals. He knows about history clearly. I admire him so much. He reads many books such as Chinese novels, Vietnamese history picture books, etc..He has just achieved the second prize in Maths. I am very happy because my family is happy.

When I was five years old my mother took me to the music class to learn how to play the organ. My mother hopes I will become a person who is good at everything. I will try my best to become a successful person.

Yours sincerely,
Phuong

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