#106: Tran Thi Minh Nguyet

[Tam_2407]

I am very happy to participate in the Writing English Contest. I take part in this contest because I want to improve my writing English skill.

My name is Tran thi Minh Nguyet, I am 17 years old. My school is Quang Binh Gifted School and I am in 11 Information Technology class. My school is far from my house so I must rent a room and eat popular rice. My life as the university student's life. It is shortage but fun. It helps me have a lots of friends and grow up more. It is really interesting. At weekend, I go home. My house is in Van Ninh, Quang Ninh, Quang Binh. I live there with my parents. I love them very much and they also proud of me very much. I am trying making them happy. Try my best!

My hobbies are reading book, watching TV and listening to music. The hobby I like best is listening to music. I like summer. In summer, I can go to the beach and swim in the sea although I do not how to swim. I can eat ice-cream and do others. I am good at Math and I am interested in learning English. I can write and speak a little English but not fluentce. My listening English skill is very terrible, so I listen to the English songs to improve it. I want to become a bussinesment successful. I hope I will success.

[Riêng]

Result: Pass
Comment:

Dear Minh Nguyet,
Thank you for your participation in our writing contest. Your self-introduction essay is quite good except for some mistakes made by your carelessness. Please pay more attention to those mistakes, read again and again to find out and fix them before submitting.

In order to have more impressive essay, you should use more strong verbs, complex sentences and vocabulary of course in the right and clear way. Also, you'd better express your own ideas, your own viewpoints to attract the readers. Remember explain every details you mention to in your essay, do not just list them out.

Wish you luck in the second round.

I am very happy to participate in the Writing English Contest. I take part in this contest because I want to improve my writing English skill (or you can express in a smoother way such as: The purpose/The reason why I take part in this contest is to improve my English writing skill).

My name is Tran Thi Minh Nguyet and (try to use as many conjunctions as possible) I am 17 years old. My school is Quang Binh Gifted School and I am in 11 Information Technology class. My school is far from my house so I must rent a room and eat popular rice (popular rice??? You can say "eat outside" in this case). My life looks like the university student's life. It is short but full of fun. It helps me have a lot of friends and grow up more. It is really interesting. At weekend, I go home. My house is in Van Ninh, Quang Ninh, Quang Binh. I live there with my parents. I love them very much and they are (lack of verb) also proud of me very much. I am trying my best to make them happy.

My hobbies are reading book, watching TV and listening to music. The hobby I like best is listening to music. I also like the summer. In summer, I can go to the beach and swim in the sea although I do not know how to swim. I can eat ice-cream and do other things. I am good at Math and I am interested in learning English. I can write and speak a little English but not fluently. My listening English skill is very terrible, so I listen to the English songs to improve it. I want to become a successful businessman(word order, spelling error) and I hope (try to connect sentences by conjunction to help your essay go smoothly)I will success.