#092: Tran Thi Huyen Trang

[Tam_2407]

Hi everybody,
My name's Huyen Trang. I'm in class 11A1, Bo Trach high school - No1. I'm 17 years old. My birthday is March 22nd, 1991. A week ago, I had a birth party, it was very happy and interesting. I invited my close friends, my classmates and my family. We sang a song "happy birthday" and many other songs. Then we ate, drank and talked. we felt happy. I was given a lot of presents at the end of the party such as: a beautiful doll I gave it a name "Tao".
My favorite hobbies are reading books, newspapers, watching TV, listening to music, chatting with friends, play sports...
In freetime , I usually listen to music, play games, play voleyball, eat and sleep...Oh, there are many things I want to practise in free time but one day has 24 hours and I must learn, do my home works and do house work.
I like collecting stamps. I started collecting when a girl. The stamps which are beautiful make me excited. I keep them in an album. I classify stamps in to categories: animals, countries, famous person...I'll continue to make my collection richer.
There are five people in my family. My family is very happy and I love my family so very much. We live in a small house and it's very beautiful. besides, I have three beautiful cats, they are Xu, Xi, Taki. They are very lovely, I love them.
I wish I had a laptop. In order to carry out the dream, I will try my best to win this reward.

[Thiên Bình]

Contestant #92: Tran Thi Huyen Trang
Subject: QBO-EWC Introduction
Score: Pass

Corrections & Suggestions:


Hi everybody,
My name's (please write out "name is") Huyen Trang. I'm in class 11A1, Bo Trach high school - No1. I'm 17 years old. My birthday is March 22nd, 1991. A week ago, I had a birth party, (semicolon) it was very happy and interesting. I invited my close friends, my classmates and my family. We sang a (the) song "happy birthday" and many other songs. Then we ate, drank and talked. w(W)e felt happy. I was given a lot of presents at the end of the party such as: a beautiful doll I gave it a name "Tao".
My favorite hobbies are reading books, newspapers, watching TV, listening to music, chatting with friends, and play(playing, rule of parallelism) sports...(period)
In my freetime (two words), I usually listen to music, play games, play voleyball (volleyball), eat and sleep...Oh, (omit the red part and just put a period. Also, this information is redundant and perhaps unnecessary since it almost means the same as hobbies) t(T)here are many things I want to practise (practice) in my free time but one day only has 24 hours and I must learn (study is the better word choice), do my home works (one word) and do house work (one word, or “chores”).
I like collecting stamps. I started collecting when a girl. The stamps which are beautiful (beautiful stamps) make me excited. I keep them in an album. I classify stamps in to (one word) categories: animals, countries, famous person... (avoid using “…” unless you use “etc…”) I'll continue to make my collection richer.
There are five people in my family. My family is very happy and I love my family so very much. We live in a small house and it's very beautiful. b(B)esides, I have three beautiful cats, (semicolon) they are Xu, Xi, Taki. They are very lovely, I love them.
I wish I had (have) a laptop. In order to carry out the dream, I will try my best to win this reward.

Additional Comment:

Your introduction was very cute. I enjoy reading about your birthday and all the names you have given to your cats and doll. Regarding the structure of your essay, be careful with typos and spelling errors. For the next round, everything will be more formal so avoid using “…” or expression like “Oh…” Be sure to use your punctuation correctly. A semicolon is a useful tool to link two complete sentences together, which cannot be substitute by a comma. Please carefully review the corrections that I have made for you and good luck on the second round. – Thiên Bình.

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@Anh Duc: Correction is added, thank you.

[dieuvuongqb]

Contestant #92: Tran Thi Huyen Trang
Subject: QBO-EWC Introduction
Score: Pass

Corrections & Suggestions:


Hi everybody,
My name's (please write out "name is") Huyen Trang. I'm in class 11A1, Bo Trach high school - No1. I'm 17 years old. My birthday is March 22nd, 1991. A week ago, I had a birth party, (semicolon) it was very happy and interesting. I invited my close friends, my classmates and my family. We sang a (the) song "happy birthday" and many other songs. Then we ate, drank and talked. w(W)e felt happy. I was given a lot of presents at the end of the party such as: a beautiful doll I gave it a name "Tao".
My favorite hobbies are reading books, newspapers, watching TV, listening to music, chatting with friends, and play (playing) sports...(period)
In my freetime (two words), I usually listen to music, play games, play voleyball (volleyball), eat and sleep...Oh, (omit the red part and just put a period. Also, this information is redundant and perhaps unnecessary since it almost means the same as hobbies) t(T)here are many things I want to practise (practice) in my free time but one day only has 24 hours and I must learn (study is the better word choice), do my home works (one word) and do house work (one word, or “chores”).
I like collecting stamps. I started collecting when a girl. The stamps which are beautiful (beautiful stamps) make me excited. I keep them in an album. I classify stamps in to (one word) categories: animals, countries, famous person... (avoid using “…” unless you use “etc…”) I'll continue to make my collection richer.
There are five people in my family. My family is very happy and I love my family so very much. We live in a small house and it's very beautiful. b(B)esides, I have three beautiful cats, (semicolon) they are Xu, Xi, Taki. They are very lovely, I love them.
I wish I had (have) a laptop. In order to carry out the dream, I will try my best to win this reward.

Additional Comment:

Your introduction was very cute. I enjoy reading about your birthday and all the names you have given to your cats and doll. Regarding the structure of your essay, be careful with typos and spelling errors. For the next round, everything will be more formal so avoid using “…” or expression like “Oh…” Be sure to use your punctuation correctly. A semicolon is a useful tool to link two complete sentences together, which cannot be substitute by a comma. Please carefully review the corrections that I have made for you and good luck on the second round. – Thiên Bình.

@ QA. I add one small error in dark red in the first paragraph. Cheers