#072: Nguyen Huong Tra

[Tam_2407]

In my childhood, I liked to have short hair, to wear boy's clothes and even to fight. People usually called me "Troc" because I was shaved when being 3 years old. Until now, my friends seem to be very interested in that name. I used to look after my little sister alone at night when I was 5. Some friends asked " Aren't you scared?" I did not know why. Maybe I loved my lovely sister, loved my parents who were working hard all night. And this made me get over the scare and do well my duty - taking care of my sister.

I am very fond of raising dog. I had a big one when I was 8. His name was Five. He went with me everywhere even slept together. Unfortunately, he was ill and died. I was very sad, dazed and cried so much. "I know you are not clean but sleeping with you is so warm". This was the thing I often talked to him. As you know, being a child, pet liked a close, loyal friend. The death of Five was the first mental pain in my life. Now, I am the owner of 8 dogs. I used to be the midwife of 4 of them. If that day I could not overcome the fear of blood to help their mother Shaky give birth, the quantity might be fewer than now. At that moment, I wondered " Should I become a doctor?"

I am delighted at applying to scholarships. Last year, I applied to ASEAN scholarship. And this year is United World College scholarship. However, I earned none of them. The slogan of mine is " We Will Win When We Want". My future dream is studying university in Singapore. Therefore, I do not want to waste my precious time to do nonsense things. I am trying to broaden my knowledge especially English to earn a scholarship and continue my university in Singapore.

And I also want to say about my family an important part in my life. There are five members in my family: my father, my mother, two little sisters and me. My father’s name is Nguyen Huu Phuc, 38 years old. He is an service provider for non-government projects. He is good at everything and I am very proud of him. He helps me much in my study and has a big influence in many great decisions of mine. My mother is the owner of a grocery. She is 40. Her name is Nguyen Thi Anh Tram. She is very clever at cooking. And this is the reason why people call me "Map" or "be bu". The girl next to me is Nguyen Thu Trang, 13 years old. She is studying in Bac Nghia secondary school. She is the girl who I always have argument with. The final girl is Nguyen Chau Phuong. She is only 3. I am the oldest girl, 17 years old. My full name is Nguyen Huong Tra. And Quang Binh gifted school - the best high school of my province is the one I am going to.

I love my school, my beloved class especially 4 my close friends. They are all lovely and friendly. Their names are Huyen, Linh, An and Thuy. They are my best advisories of many things such as study, love, style and so on. I like the way they comment on the boy who I am looking at. They seem to be the professors of love. I like the moment when we were together and said about everything. You can not imagine how much I love them. Oh my dear friends!

Character of a person can not express just through some letters. If you want to understand more about me, come to class 11 English Quang Binh gifted school and say " I want to meet Nguyen Huong Tra".

[Tocxu]

In my childhood, I liked to have short hair, to wear boy's clothes and even to fight. People usually called me "Troc" because I was shaved when being 3 years old. Until now, my friends seem to be very interested in that name. I used to look after my little sister alone at night when I was 5. Some friends asked (me) " Aren't you scared?", (and)I did not know why. Maybe, it's because I loved my lovely sister, loved my parents who were working hard all night. And(don't begin a sentence with 'And') this made me get over (help me overcome) the scare and do well my duty - taking care of my sister.

I am very fond of raising dog. I had a big one when I was 8. His name was Five. He went with me everywhere (; we) even slept together. Unfortunately, he was ill and died. I was very sad, dazed and cried so much. "I know you are not clean but sleeping with you is so warm". This was the thing (what) I often talked to him. As you know, being a (to) child, pet liked (is like) a close, loyal friend. The death of Five was the first mental pain in my life. Now, I am the owner of 8 dogs. I used to be the midwife of 4 of them. If that day I could not overcome the fear of blood to help their mother Shaky give birth, the quantity might be fewer than now. At that moment, I wondered " Should I become a doctor?"

I am delighted(eager) at applying to scholarships. Last year, I applied to ASEAN scholarship. And this year is United World College scholarship. However, I earned none of them. The slogan of mine is " We Will Win When We Want". My future dream is studying university in Singapore. Therefore, I do not want to waste my precious time to do nonsense things. I am trying to broaden my knowledge(,) especially English(,) to earn a scholarship and continue my university in Singapore.

And I also want to say about (that) my family (is) an important part in my life. There are five members in my family: my father, my mother (my parents), two little sisters and me. My father’s name is Nguyen Huu Phuc, 38 years old. He is an service provider for non-government(al) projects. He is good at everything and I am very proud of him. He helps me much in my study and has a big influence in many great decisions of mine. My mother is the owner of a grocery. She is 40. Her name is Nguyen Thi Anh Tram. She is very clever at cooking. And this is the reason why people call me "Map" or "be bu". The girl (sister) next to me is Nguyen Thu Trang, 13 years old. She is studying in Bac Nghia secondary school. She is the girl who I always have argument with. The final girl is Nguyen Chau Phuong. She is only 3. I am the oldest girl, 17 years old. My full name is Nguyen Huong Tra. And Quang Binh gifted school - (,) the best high school of my province(,) is the one I am going to.

I love my school, my beloved class especially 4 my close friends. They are all lovely and friendly. Their names are Huyen, Linh, An and Thuy. They are my best advisories (advisers) of many things such as study, love, style and so on. I like the way they comment on the boy who I am looking at (dating with?). They seem to be the professors of love. I like the moment when we were together and said about everything. You can not imagine how much I love them. Oh my dear friends!

Character of a person can not express just through some letters. If you want to understand more about me, come to class 11 English Quang Binh gifted school and say " I want to meet Nguyen Huong Tra"

Judge: Linh Nguyen,

Score: Pass,

A very impressive introduction! Beside the corrections I have made, I would recommend that you try to make your writing smoother; with that improvement your writing will be really professional. Good luck in the second round.