#059: Thuy Nguyen

[luvmyacnq]

I am very happy to join an English writing contest which is organized by "Tuoi tre Quang Binh" .Lest me introduce some infomation about my self. My name is Thuy.I am 16 years old.I am studying at Bo Trach high school.I live in Bo Trach distric,Quang Binh province .My
hobby is shopping,playing sports ,listening to music and helping mom do house works.At school,I like many subjects but I like English best .Although I am not good at English now ,I will try very my best so that I can communicate English with my friends .In the future I want to be an English teacher because I love English .In free time ,I often read English book or watch television .Sometimes,I go out with my friends at weekend.
Now ,I am living with my parents and my younger brother in Hoan Lao .Although my family is not rich,we live happily.My parents always take care of my brother and me .When ever we have troubles ,it is my parents who help us over come difficulities.They encourage us to study well and console us when me fail. I love my parents so much.

[dieuvuongqb]

I am very happy to join an English writing contest which is organized by "Tuoi tre Quang Binh". Lest (Let's) me introduce some infomation about my self. My name is Thuy. I am 16 years old. I am studying at Bo Trach high school. I live in Bo Trach distric,Quang Binh province. My
hobby is shopping, playing sports, listening to music and helping mom do house works. At school, I like many subjects but I like English best. Although I am not good at English now, I will try very my best so that I can communicate (in) English with my friends. In the future(,) I want to be an English teacher because I love English. In free time, I often read English book(s) or watch television. Sometimes, I go out with my friends at weekend.
Now, I am living with my parents and my younger brother in Hoan Lao. Although my family is not rich, we live happily.My parents always take care of my brother and me. When ever (Whenever) we have troubles, it is my parents who help us over come difficulities. They encourage us to study well and console us when me (I, we) fail. I love my parents so much.

Judge: Minh Duc
Score: Pass - Good essay with good choices of grammatical structure
Comment:
Dear Thuy,
You have a good way of writing an introductory essay thanks to good knowledge of grammatical structures. Except for some spelling errors that need checking (marked in red), I am quite impressed by the way you use this structure: "It is SO/ST who/which/that do ST" it is my parents who help us over come (overcome) difficulities
I truly hope that you can improve your proficiency in English. I hope that your dream of being a teacher of English (of course not an English teacher, as we are Vietnamese people, right?) will come true soon.
Welcome you to the next round and hope to see some adjustments in your essay.
P/s: Please have a look on the format of your essay. I have edited it with no space after words when having a punctuation and then a space after it to separate 2 phrases, structures or sentences.
For example:
"My name is Thuy. I am 16 years old", not "My name is Thuy .I am 16 years old