#002: Pham Minh Nguyen

[Tocxu]

2) Pham Minh Nguyen

Giang –pass, Duc- pass, Linh- pass, Thiên Bình - pass

My name is Pham Minh Nguyen. I was born on January 4th, 1992 and I’m 16 years old now. I’m live with my family at 26 Nguyen Van Troi Street in Hai Dinh Ward, Dong Hoi City, Quang Binh Province. My telephone number is 84052824714. My email address is alone_in_the_dark_pmn@yahoo.com. I studied at Hai Dinh Primary school and Secondary school. Now I’m studying in 10 Maths Class of Chuyen Quang Binh High School.

My family has 4 members: my parents, my elder brother and me. My parents are officers and my elder brother is a student at a university of technology. We are very happy because we always love and sympathize each other. Besides, I also have many friends. They are very good and friendly. When we have free time, we often go out or chat together.

Many friends of mine regard me as a silent person but I think I’m an active boy. I like sports, especially footbal. I also like mucic and technology. My favourite band is Backstreet Boys and my favourite football team is Manchester Utd. In my free time, I often play sports, listen to music or play videos games. My favoutite subjects are Maths and English. I always try my best to keep my promises and be on time in any cases.

When I finish my education, I hope to be a diplomat .That is my dream. I am interested in surveying the cultures of all the countries of the world. I want to go around the world and find out new interesting things. I want to improve the political atmosphere among many countries as now. And for me, the share of information is a connection to long term friendship with people from all over the world.

I know, the way to become a diplomat isn't easỵ It is a work requires high professional knowledge ands specially standard foreign language level.
I think English is the international language of businẹss. So I try my best to learn English. I hope my dream will come true.

I participate The QBO English Writing Contest because I like English first. I realize that this is an opportunity for me to improving my English writing skill. I want to exchange experiences with people who have the same hobby as me. Through this contest, I want to test my proficiency. I hope I will pass the first round.

[Thiên Bình]

Judge: Thien Bình
Contestant #2: Pham Minh Nguyen
Subject: QBO EWC Introduction
Score: Pass

My name is Pham Minh Nguyen. I was born on January 4th, 1992 and I’m 16 years old now. I’m live (living) with my family at 26 Nguyen Van Troi Street in Hai Dinh Ward, Dong Hoi City, Quang Binh Province. My telephone number is 84052824714. My email address is alone_in_the_dark_pmn@yahoo.com. I studied (used to study) at Hai Dinh Primary school and Secondary school. Now I’m studying in 10 Maths (no “s” because math is a subject and it’s not a countable noun) Class of Chuyen Quang Binh High School. (Now I’m a sophomore, studying math in Quang Binh High School for the Gifted.)

My family has 4 members: my parents, my elder brother and me. My parents are officers and my elder brother is a student at a university of technology. We are very happy because we always love and sympathize (understand) each other. Besides, I also have many friends. They are very good and friendly. When we have free time, we often go out or chat together.

Many friends of mine regard me as a silent person (Many of my friends said that I’m a quiet person) but I think (that) I’m an active boy. I like sports, especially footbal (soccer). I also like mucic (music) and technology. My favourite (favorite) band is Backstreet Boys and my favourite football team is Manchester Utd. In my free time, I often play sports, listen to music or play videos games (good parallelism). My favoutite subjects are Maths and English. I always try my best to keep my promises and be on time in any cases (be on time under any circumstances).

When I finish my education, I hope to be a diplomat. That is my dream. (Three of these sentences can be combined in to one. “When I finish my education, I want to pursue my dream of becoming a diplomat.”) I am interested in surveying the cultures of all the countries of (in) the world. I want to go around the world and find out new interesting things (I want to travel and discover the wonders around the world). I (also) want to improve the present/current political atmosphere among (for) many countries as now (omit “as now”). And (As) for me, the share of information is a connection to long term friendship with people from all over the world.

I know, (unnecessary comma) the way to become a diplomat isn't easy. It is a (hard) work that requires high professional knowledge ands (replace ands with a comma) especially standard foreign language level. I think English is the international language of business. So I try my best to learn English. I hope my dream will come true.

I participate in The (the) QBO English Writing Contest because I like English first of all. I realize that this is an opportunity for me to improving (to improve) my English writing skill. I want to exchange experiences with people who have the same hobby as me (mine). Through this contest, I want to test my proficiency. I hope I will pass the first round.

Comment:
You did well above the average. Your thoughts are organized and meaningful. I’m very proud to see someone that is so young and yet so determined to strive for the better of himself and the world. It is absolutely noble of you. Some minor mistakes that I have caught but I’m sure, if you reread your introduction several times, you could have figured them out by yourself. What I wrote in the parentheses are not necessary corrections but might just be some suggestions. I hope one day that you will be able to achieve your dream and be able to share your experiences with others. Sincerely, --- Thiên Bình

[Tam_2407]

His resubmission:

Introduction about Myself

Hi everybody!
My name is Pham Minh Nguyen. I was born on January 4th, 1992 and I’m 16 years old now. I’m living with my family at 26 Nguyen Van Troi Street in Hai Dinh Ward, Dong Hoi City, Quang Binh Province. My telephone number is 84052824714. My email address is alone_in_the_dark_pmn@yahoo.com. I used to study at Hai Dinh Primary school and Secondary school. I’m currently a tenth grader of Quang Binh Gifted High School and my concentration of study is Math.

My family has 4 members: my parents, my elder brother and me. My parents are officers and my elder brother is a student at a university of technology. We are very happy because we always love and understand each other. Besides, I also have many friends. They are very good and friendly. When we have free time, we often go out or chat together.

Many of my friends said that I’m a quiet person but I don’t think so. I find myself active and humorous. I like sports very much, especially soccer. I also like music and technology. My favorite band is Backstreet Boys and my favorite football club is Manchester United. In my free time, I often play sports, listen to music or play video games. Of all the subjects, Math and English are the ones I like best. I always try my best to keep my promises and be on time under any circumstances.

When I finish my education, I want to pursue my dream of becoming a diplomat. I am interested in surveying the cultures of all the countries in the world. I want to travel and discover the wonders around the world. I also want to improve the present political atmosphere among many countries. As for me, the share of information is a connection to long term friendship with people from all over the world.

I know the way to become a diplomat isn't easy. It is a work that requires high professional knowledge, especially standard foreign language level. I think English is the international language of business. So I try my best to learn English. I hope my dream will come true.

I participate in the QBO English Writing Contest because I like English first of all. I realize that this is a great opportunity to improve my English writing skill. I want to exchange experiences with people who have the same hobby as mine. Through this contest, I want to test my proficiency in English. I hope I will pass the first round.