#101: Nguyen Thi Thanh Binh

[Tam_2407]

The QBO English Writing Contest
Hello everybody !! ^-^

My full name is Nguyen Thi Thanh Binh.I was born on 5th,February,1991.And now, I am seventeens years old.I am a student in 11 Math class at Quang Binh Gifted High School.I live at 126 Ba Trieu Street, Dong Hoi city.My family has four people: my parents and my sister.My sister learns in Hue Medical University.She is a pride of my friends family.

I am also a youngster,was born and grow up in Quang Binh - a poor country with sunny ang windy.All those who have lived in here know that condittions to study English is more inferior than Ha Noi , Hue or Ho Chi Minh City.To reach to the fluent English skills are really great difficult.But “There is a will ,there is a way”,in spite of many difficults, youngsters in Quang Binh want to stretch up with their addicting.Before now, there are any English compettions which were held in Qung Binh.And I never think that I will join in a compettion like that.There are many reasons that make me like English.It’s so simple that English is useful for my friends future and I love travelling so much.So I am really exited and thrillng when I decided to join it.That is a precious for me to test my friends English and knowledge.

As many others,I am a special person with my fcharacters and hobbies.My friends often comment me that “You are a sentimental! ”.Because in me there is a mix between two characters: vivacious and serene.Life is not pure funny and people, sometimes people need a quiet space to reflect.It’s the time for us to discovery hiden beauty of our souls.In my childhood,my characters similar to a boy’s.But when I grow up I realize that I have change.I still have a short hair (everybody say that I look like a mushroom with that hair! ,still have enough strong to pass over many failures but I cried when I see a lost baby cat or a poor person.Now I live more emotional , know how to share my feelings and sympathize with others.

My mother is the person who I love most in my life.If you ask me : “What make you feel worse ?”, I will answer that it is the moment I make my mother sad.I always try to make my mother happy and I don’t want her to worry about me.

Talk about my hobbies,I like many things.In free time, I like reading Manga, listening to music,and chatting with my friends.The singer I like best is Avril Lavigne.She sings very well and does’t like any diffirent singers.Not only that I love classical music,too.I love most “Morning “- piece of music of Grieg composer.It’s melody is so sweet and limpid.
I love Manga and I draw quite well.I have got cuppon medal in a Drawing compettion in India.

My big dream is travelling around the world.I wish in a near day,I come to visit the giant Rome city,Paris - The light Imperial city with dreamlike Seine river.Here is some photograp.These places are really wonderfull!!!

This contestant has turned in a lovely paper with pictures and cute background. Let me know if you want to see it, QA. The file is .doc.

[Thiên Bình]

Contestant #101: Nguyen Thi Thanh Binh
Subject: QBO-EWC Introduction
Score: Pass

Corrections & Suggestions:

The QBO English Writing Contest
Hello everybody !! ^-^

My full name is Nguyen Thi Thanh Binh. I was born on 5th, February, (February 5th,) 1991. And now, (omit) I am seventeens (no "s") years old.I (please separate your sentences by leaving a space after a period. I’ll fix the rest for you but please be careful with it next time) am a student in 11th grade Math class at Quang Binh Gifted High School. I live at 126 Ba Trieu Street, Dong Hoi city. My family has four people: my parents and my sister. My sister learns in Hue Medical University. She is a pride of my friends family.

I am also a youngster, I was born and grow (grew) up in Quang Binh - a poor country with (that is) sunny ang (and) windy. (Sunny and windy are adjectives and therefore you cannot use “with.”) All those who have lived in (omit) here know that the condittions (condition) to study English is more (omit) inferior than (to) Ha Noi, Hue, or Ho Chi Minh City. To (omit) r(R)eaching to the fluent English skills are (is) really great (omit) difficult. But “when T(t)here is a will, there is a way”, (place comma before quotation) in (omit) despite of many difficults (difficulties), (period) y(Y)oungsters in Quang Binh want to stretch up with their addicting (addiction? However, this is the wrong vocabulary and it doesn’t make sense). Before now, there are isn’t any English compettions (competition) which were held in Qung (don’t make this type of mistake) Binh. And I never think that I will (would) join in a compettion like that (this). There are many reasons that make me like English. It’s so simple that English is useful for my friends’ future and I love travelling so much (lack transition for this phrase). So I am really exited and thrillng (thrilled) when I decided to join it. That is a (omit, precious is not a noun) precious for me to test my friends’ English and knowledge. (Why do you want to test your friends’ English and knowledge rather than yourself? Or do you mean that you want to compare your English level with your friends?)

As (Like) many others, I am a special person with my fcharacters (characteristics) and hobbies. My friends often comment me that “You are a (omit, sentimental is not a noun) sentimental!”. (No period. Exclamation mark is already a substitution for it) Because (omit) i(I)n me there is a mix between two characters: vivacious and serene. Life is not pure funny (just about fun) and people, (omit) sometimes people need a quiet space to reflect on themselves. It’s the time for us to discovery the hiden (hidden) beauty of our souls. In my childhood, my characters (no s) is similar to a boy’s. But when I grow up, I realize that I have changed. I still have a short hair style (hair is plural and therefore you cannot use “a” to precede it, that is why I added the word “style”) (everybody say that I look like a mushroom with that hair! ,still (“!” is in place of a period. You don’ t need any additional punctuation after it.)(Where is your closing parenthesis?) I have enough strong (strong is an adjective, strength is a noun) to pass over (overcome) many failures but I still cried when I see a lost baby cat or a poor person. Now I live more emotionally, (;) I know how to share my feelings and sympathize with others.

My mother is the person who I love most in my life. If you ask me: “What make you feel worse?”, (no comma, the question mark takes place of it already) I will answer that it is the moment I make my mother sad. I always try to make my mother happy and I don’t want her to worry about me.

Talk about my hobbies, I like many things. In free time, I like reading Manga, listening to music, and chatting with my friends. The singer I like best is Avril Lavigne. She sings very well and does’t (doesn’t) like any diffirent (different) singers. Not only that, I love classical music, (no comma) too. I love most “Morning”- a piece of music of (by) Grieg, the composer. It’s (Its) melody is so sweet and limpid. I love Manga and I draw quite well. I have got cuppon (a couple of) medals, one of which was in a Drawing compettion in India.

My big dream is travelling (to travel) around the world. I wish in a near day, I come to visit the giant Rome city, Paris-The light Imperial city with dreamlike Seine r(R)iver (capitalize proper noun). Here is some photograp (photographs). These places are really wonderfull (wonderful)!!!

The country of Germany
Paris City in the night
A narrow of Roma City

But at the present, I want to join a good university and get a good job, (no comma) too. Not at all, (Besides that,) to become a (an) environment strategist is my expectation. Because in where I live, everybody uses nylon bags too much and the gabage (garbage) has not classified yet.
My dream is quite hard to realize but I will try my friends (omit) best to make it come true!

This contest is a good opportunity to share my thinkings (thoughts). Thank you so much for giving us The QBO English Writing Contest.!!!! ^-^
I hope the contest will be very successfull (successful)!!

From: Nguyen Thi Thanh Binh – 11 Math , Quang Binh Gifted High School

Additional Comment:

Very nice introduction, you wrote a lot. I appreciate the fun background design and the beautiful pictures. There are still a lot of mistakes in your paper and Microsoft Word can help you correct that. Your paper has great content, but those little errors might be a distraction to the overall content so be careful. You still need to work on your spacing and punctuation usage. It looks like your are still confused about the modification of word, whether if it is used as a noun or an adjective. Please review the corrections above and I hope to see a better essay from you for the next round. – Thiên Bình.