#008: Nga

[luvmyacnq]

Hello! My name is Nga. Now what can I tell you about myself? Let's begin at the beginning. I was born on November 8th 1992 in Dong Hoi City . At present, I am one hundred seventy centimeters and fifty two kilos at the age of 16. So can you imagine I am very fat. According to my friends, I am a humorous and active girl but I myself think that I am quite selfish and bad-tempered. Now I am a member of 10 English Class in the gifted high school of Quang Binh . I'm living with my parents on Huu Nghi Street . My family has five members: my parents, my two sisters and I. My father is an inspector, my mother is a teacher and my two sisters are interpreters.
In my free time, I always read books, play sports and surf the web. They are all very interesting and helpful. In the future, I am going to be an interpreter like my sisters because I am keen on learning English and traveling. At the moment, I am trying to have a chance to go abroad for making friends from all over the world and may be I can meet you . I am looking forward to that day.
That is all. Although this text is not totally full and interesting but it belongs to me and I think that it is quite good. I wish you will accept my text. Thank you for reading!

[nhanban]

Grade: Pass.

You have used some nice expressions such as "Let's begin at the beginning.", "Although this text is not totally full and interesting but it belongs to me". However, you have to check again the bold sentences. You should use simple, clear and short sentences to attract people. Hope to see your better essay in the next round.

Hello! My name is Nga. Now what can I tell you about myself? Let's begin at the beginning. I was born on November 8th 1992 in Dong Hoi City . At present, I am one hundred seventy centimeters and fifty two kilos at the age of 16. So can you imagine I am very fat. According to my friends, I am a humorous and active girl but I myself think that I am quite selfish and bad-tempered. Now I am a member of 10 English Class in the gifted high school of Quang Binh . I'm living with my parents on Huu Nghi Street . My family has five members: my parents, my two sisters and I. My father is an inspector, my mother is a teacher and my two sisters are interpreters.
In my free time, I always read books, play sports and surf the web. They are all very interesting and helpful. In the future, I am going to be an interpreter like my sisters because I am keen on learning English and traveling. At the moment, I am trying to have a chance to go abroad for making friends from all over the world and may be I can meet you . I am looking forward to that day.
That is all. Although this text is not totally full and interesting but it belongs to me and I think that it is quite good. I wish you will accept my text. Thank you for reading!

[Thocon]

Grade: Pass

I really enjoy reading your introduction. It's fun and definitely reflects your personality. The content is great and the structure of the essay is solid and correct. There are a few setences that could have been written better that I would like to highlight here. I look forward to your second essay.

Hello! My name is Nga. Now what can I tell you about myself? Let's begin at the beginning (should it be Let's start from the beginning?). I was born on November 8th 1992 in Dong Hoi City . At present, I am one hundred seventy centimeters and fifty two kilos at the age of 16 (it's much more concise to write 1m70 and it is ok to write numbers since you're talking about measurement) . So can you imagine I am very fat(should be "So you can..."but I don't really think so ). According to my friends, I am a humorous and active girl but I myself think that I am quite selfish and bad-tempered. Now I am a member of 10 English Class in the gifted high school of Quang Binh . I'm living with my parents on Huu Nghi Street . My family has five members: my parents, my two sisters and I. My father is an inspector, my mother is a teacher and my two sisters are interpreters.
In my free time, I always read books, play sports and surf the web. They( can use better words such as These hobbies) are all very interesting and helpful. In the future, I am going to be an interpreter like my sisters because I am keen on learning English and traveling. At the moment, I am trying to have a chance to go abroad for making (to make) friends from all over the world and may be I can meet you . I am looking forward to that day.
That is all. Although this text is not totally full and interesting but it belongs to me and I think that it is quite good. I wish you will accept my text. Thank you for reading!

[Riêng]

Result: Pass
Same comments with Thocon.