#107: Do Thi Binh Nguyen

[Tam_2407]

I'm a Quang Binh normal girl with a special full name: Do Thi Binh Nguyen. I think so, because there are just ONE in 800 different names in my school. And i love it very much. My birthday is on July 12th, 1992. Now, i'm studying in 10 History, Quang Binh Gifted high school. My email is: horse_anh_BN@yahoo.com and my adress is 78A Duong Van An, Dong My, Dong Hoi, Quang Binh. I was born and grown up in Quang Binh, a province which has Laos wind in the summer. But it is very cold in the winter here.

My mother said to me: "You are a boy, not a girl". Because i like to watch international football a lot. and i can keep myself awake overnight to see a football match on TV; i want to watch detective films; want to be a Vietnamese president, so on....All of them are the hobbies and dreams of a boy. So, sometimes, i think i'm a strange girl!

In addition, i like reading Rusian novels, listening to Trinh Cong Son's music, too. And one of my big dreams is to study abroad, then, i will return to help my nation and my country.

I know, there are not much chances for me to give first prize in this contest and i can be defeated. But i still participate in it and never give up. Because i always believe: "Opportunity often it comes disguised in the form of misfortune or temporary defeat." (Napoleon Hill), and moreover, i know, i DARE TO SUCCEED!

Written by Do Thi Binh Nguyen,
10 History, Quang Binh Gifted
high school.

[Thiên Bình]

Contestant #107: Do Thi Binh Nguyen
Subject: QBO-EWC Introduction
Score: Pass

Corrections & Suggestions:

I'm a Quang Binh normal (place this before QB) girl with a special full name: Do Thi Binh Nguyen. I think so, (no comma) because there are (is) just ONE in 800 different names in my school. (comma) A(a)nd i (please capitalize, same goes for the rest of the “i”) love it very much. My birthday is on July 12th, 1992. Now, i'm studying in 10 History, Quang Binh Gifted h(H)igh s(S)chool. My email is: horse_anh_BN@yahoo.com and my adress (address) is 78A Duong Van An, Dong My, Dong Hoi, Quang Binh. I was born and grown (grew) up in Quang Binh, a province which has Laos wind in the summer. But it is very cold in the winter here.

My mother said to me:(comma) "You are a boy, not a girl".(period before quotation, but in this case use a comma to combine with the next sentence) B(b)ecause i like to watch international football (soccer) a lot. and (omit) i can keep myself awake overnight to see a football match on TV; i want to watch detective films; I want to be a Vietnamese president, so on....All of them are the hobbies and dreams of a boy. So, sometimes, i think i'm a strange girl! (Are you in a really excited mood to put an exclamation mark here. I think a period works better.)

In addition, i like reading Rusian (Russian) novels, (replace comma with and) listening to Trinh Cong Son's music, too(omit). And (omit) o(O)ne of my big dreams is to study abroad, (period) t(T)hen, i will return to help my nation and my country (to do what? You should elaborate).

I know, (no comma) there are not much chances for me to give (get) the first prize in this contest and i can be defeated. But i still participate in it and never give up. (no period) B(b)ecause i always believe: "Opportunity often it (omit) comes disguised in the form of misfortune or temporary defeat." (Napoleon Hill), and moreover, i know, i DARE TO SUCCEED!

Written by Do Thi Binh Nguyen,
10 History, Quang Binh Gifted high school.

Additional Comment:

Please capitalize all “I.” Avoid using “And,” “But,” or “Because” at the beginning of the sentence. There are certain cases where you can use them at the beginning of the sentence, but to avoid the complication, it’s better to use them as linkages for sentences. The content of your paper is pretty good. I think that it is really cool for a girl to have some boy traits because it shows your tough side. I also like the Napoleon’s quote. It is similar to “Thất bại là mẹ thành công.” I wish you good luck in the next round. – Thiên Bình.